


I'm Scared of What's Behind and What's Before

by haleyospaghettio



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Left Behind extended ending, Left Behind spoilers, Shopping Malls, WRITING THIS UPSET ME, rellie gives me all the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 05:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4251657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haleyospaghettio/pseuds/haleyospaghettio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellie is bitten. Riley is bitten. We later find out that Ellie is immune and Riley dies, but what about before that? This is my take on what happened after Left Behind ended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Scared of What's Behind and What's Before

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't for you if you don't like a lot of swears (Ellie and I are vulgar as heck, I apologize). I write and edit myself so as always, go easy on me. :P I'm really proud of this, too, so feedback would be awesome. Also, this clearly has spoilers for the Left Behind DLC, so steer clear if you don't want to be spoiled.

“Where are we going to go, Riley?”

Ellie was tired. It had to have been at least six hours ago when Riley had woken Ellie up in her dorm, begging her to get up and come here.

Ellie hadn’t wanted to. She was afraid she’d miss drills and Marlene would have her ass.

_I wonder what she’s thinking right now._

Ellie, by no means, thought highly of the so called Firefly Queen.

Marlene had looked after her, sure, but only because she made a promise to her mom. It had become apparent to Ellie during her time in Boston that she was nothing more than a chip on Marlene’s shoulder.

_At least you won’t have to deal with me anymore._

With a sigh, the redhead focused her attention back to her friend, who she now noticed had no replied.

“Riley?”

“Hm?”

“I asked where we were going.”

Back in the room where they found out they were bitten, after Riley had told Ellie they were leaving, they climbed a stack of crates in the back of the room and found themselves on another floor of the mall.

It looked like it hadn’t been lived in for years, Ellie thought. There were heavy layers of dust and extremely thick cobwebs that made Ellie shiver.

_Fuckin’ spiders._

They had been walking around up here for a solid hour, and they’d only went around in a circle once.

Ahead of her, Riley sighed and slowed her pace.

“I don’t know, Ellie. I guess we’re just passing time.”

Ellie frowned. She didn’t expect this to be fun. They were bitten. _Dying_. They were going to die. Ellie knew that, but when Riley had suggested they go crazy and lose their minds together, she expected it to be more. She expected to have one last, awesome, unforgettable adventure with her best and only friend. She didn’t expect it to be a mope fest.

“There has to be something we can do, or somewhere we can go. I don’t want to spend the rest of our time like this.”

“Well what do you want to do Ellie? We have like 48 hours to live, if we’re lucky. We’re in the middle of a crappy mall in the middle of a soldier-infested zone. We can’t really afford the luxury of going on an evening stroll.”

Ellie’s chest tightened.

“You were the one who suggested this, Riley! You were the one saying we need to go and do anything but just sit and rot. You’re the one who fucking drug me here! You don’t get to be mad at me, and I’m so sick of you acting like you do.”

She regretted the words as soon as she’d said them.

“Riley, I didn’t mean—” Riley’s brown irises snapped up to meet hers.

Ellie’s own eyes searched hers desperately, trying to see what she was thinking, what she was feeling.

“Is that really what you think?”

“No, Riley! I swear, I didn’t—”

“Well then what did you mean? Huh?”

Ellie’s face flushed. _God, Ellie. You are so stupid_. She shook her head, her shame swelling inside of her like a balloon.

Riley rolled her eyes and shook her head before turning on her heel. “I should have known today was a mistake,” she muttered.

“Riley.”

“No! Seriously, Ellie. What the hell was I thinking? Bringing you to a practically abandoned mall with hardly any weapons. I thought things would be good. I thought it would be clear, and we would be safe. I thought today could be a good day, our last good day. We were going to have such a fun time, it wouldn’t even feel like the end of the world. We’re infected. We could start growing fucking fungi out of our faces and making those creepy ass sounds any second. Any second, we’re going to be walking monsters. We’re living on borrowed time, Ellie, and it’s all because of me. I never should have brought you here. I never meant for this, I swear to you.”

“I know that, but jeez, it isn’t your fault.”

Ellie sighed and scratched the back of her head before continuing on.

“Earlier, when you said there were a million ways we could have died, you were right. We’ve almost died so many times..this was bound to happen eventually. I’m glad I came with you today, for what it’s worth. When it comes down to it, there’s not really anyone else on the planet I’d want to spend the rest of my time with. I’m sorry, Riley.”

They looked at each other for a moments, before Riley sighed and turned on her heel. “I’m sorry, too. You’re right. Nothing else could really go wrong. What else do we have to lose, anyway? Let’s go do something.”

 

—

 

“Okay, this is fucking weird.”

Ellie looked up from behind the pile of books she was digging through, her eyes searching around for her friend.

“What is it?”

Riley stood from a spot just a few feet from Ellie, a book open in her hand. She watched as her friend climbed over debris and made her way over with a paperback tucked under her arm.

“Just look at this mess,” Riley said with a laugh as she handed Ellie the book.

Ellie immediately started inspecting it and let out a giggle when she saw the front of it. On the cover was a guy with long, black hair, no shirt, and his hands on his belt buckle. In the background was a shot of a horse eating grass, from behind.

“Oh my god!” Ellie cackled and Riley grinned.

“Did you read the title?”

She had not. Her green eyes scrambled to the large blue words on the front, wondering how she could have missed them. She looked over them and felt another laugh rise in her throat. “Mystic Cowboy? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!”

Riley laughed again, and Ellie did, too. She couldn’t help it. Riley’s laugh was contagious. “Did people really read this shit?” Riley took the book back from Ellie and shook her head, still smiling as she read the print at the bottom of the cover. “‘Sarah M. Anderson’”, she read. “Jesus, Sarah. What would your mother think?” Ellie cackled again and Riley tossed the book at the wall, where it made a soft sound on impact and then fell to the ground.

Riley focused her attention back on Ellie. “So, did you find anything? Anything that isn’t trash, I mean.”

Ellie shrugged and held up a comic she’d found, _Savage Starlight_. “Well, I found this. I, uh..it looked cool.” Riley looked it over, and nodded after a few seconds.

“Yeah, Ellie, it looks interesting. I’d read it, but I’m not fond of cliffhangers.” Ellie took the book back and flipped to the back page.

“Aw, what? I didn’t know it was one of those ‘to be continued’ things. I hate that shit,” she mumbled, and her friend chuckled.

“That’s what I just said, goof.” Ellie placed the book back on the pile and stood up. “Yeah, yeah. I heard you.” She dusted herself off. “This place was a bust. What next?”

“Weeeell,” Riley drawled.

 

—

 

“Hm. I spy with my little–”

Riley groaned.

“Noooooo.”

“But–”

“No!” Ellie sighed, but she was smiling. “Well, you’re no fun.”

Riley snorted. “Right back atcha’, sunshine.”

“Are you almost done?” “Maybe I’d go faster if you stopped rushing me.”

After the bookstore, they’d found a Goodwill, where Riley had scavenged a black and white shirt of some guy with a beard flipping the bird and a cassette tape for the walkman. Ellie found a roll of duct tape with giraffe spots on it. Now they were here, in a craft store. It was interesting, at first. Most of the paint had been knocked over and dried up. Like most places, there wasn’t much left. Riley, however, had managed to find a pack of markers that weren’t completely gone. They didn’t write well, but they wrote. In large, sloppy letters, they’d scratched their name on the peeling paint of the wall. Riley was doodling in the corner now.

Ellie had asked what she was drawing, but the only answer she got was a “Just wait a sec, Ellie.” Ellie wasn’t good at math, not by a long shot, but she definitely knew that she’d been waiting, like, 1000 seconds.

“Okay, I’m done.” Riley finally moved away from her so-called masterpiece and capped the marker.

Ellie hopped up to inspect it. From her seat, it looked like a black blob, but the closer she got, the more it made sense. Two tiny, cartoon-like characters, cut off mid-riff were pictured. One had a black bun and a cut on their lip. The other had a ponytail and a scar in her eyebrow. They had an arm around each other, and at the bottom there was a banner that said ‘BADASSES’.

“It’s us, see?”

Ellie did see. She definitely saw, and it made her heart ache. “Riley, I..it’s awesome.”

Riley chuckled and stuck her hands in her pocket. “I know, right? Totally worth the wait.”

They stood in silence as Ellie kept her eyes glued to the wall, going over all of the small details.

“I wish we could take this with us,” Ellie murmured and Riley smiled. “Yeah. If we tried to rip the wallpaper we’d probably rip it. It’s better that we leave it, I think.” Ellie grinned.

“Anyone who ever sees this is probably gonna laugh.”

“They’re just going to laugh because they’re jealous we were so badass.”

 

—

 

Three hours later, the two of of them were sitting across from each other on matching patio chairs covered in a thin lair of dust. The holes and cracks in the walls around them had begun to let in less light, indicating the daylight would be gone soon. They’d wandered around for a long time, investigating every inch of the store they could find. Riley had decided that they could settle here, in a place called Frugal’s Furniture.

It was as safe as anywhere else.

“You hungry?” Riley asked and Ellie shrugged.

“Would we have anything to eat if I were hungry?”

Riley swung her backpack up from the floor beside her chair and started rifling through it.

“Well, I have a can of beans and some stale crackers, and that’s about it.”

Ellie grimaced. “That’s so not what I ever imagined my last meal to be.”

Riley smirked. “Neither did I, but at least we have something.”

Ellie watched as she sloppily cut the lid off of the can of beans and set it on the small table between them. She carefully tore open the crackers next and emptied the package out onto the stand. “Dig in.”

 

—

 

They made the food last a good hour. They were practically in complete darkness now, as the sun had fully gone down. Riley had flicked on her flashlight momentarily so that they could see when they moved from their chairs to their new resting place, a U-shaped couch on the other side of the store. Ellie lay on one side and Riley on the other, and their heads met in the middle.

It was silent, but a comfortable silence.

Ellie had been running her hand over the bite on her arm, thinking. The whole day had been surreal, from the minute she woke up.

Despite the fact that they were doomed, Ellie decided that it wasn’t that bad. If she didn’t wake up in the morning, well, at least she could say that she spent her last day with the most important person in the world to her.

 _A lot of people don’t have that option_ , she told herself. _You do. Be grateful_. Ellie wasn’t sure if she believed in ‘God’, or any other higher power. Was it luck that she was able to spend her last day with Riley? Coincidence? Or maybe it was something more. She couldn’t say, but she mentally thanked anything or anyone that was listening.

Ellie stayed like that, running her hand over the bite, lost in thought, until she felt a tap on her shoulder. “Ellie?” “Hm?” She turned to face her friend in the darkness.

“You have your Walkman with you, don’t you?”

She nodded before remembering Riley couldn’t see her. “Oh, ah, yep.”

“Wanna listen to some tunes?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

Ellie sat up and switched her flashlight on so that she could see to dig out the Walkman. She handed it to Riley, who pulled out the tape inside and replaced it with the tape she’d found earlier. Ellie put the old one back in her pack and accepted the ear bud that Riley handed to her. She flicked her light back off and settled back on the couch, waiting for Riley to hit play.

Finally, her friend settled back and the music started to filter into Ellie’s ear.

It was a guy with a gravelly, harsh voice playing guitar, and Ellie automatically decided that she liked it. After a minute or so, Ellie’s eyes, now adjusted to the dark, noticed something by her head. She reached out to touch it, and realized it was Riley’s hand. She hesitated for a few seconds before reaching out and taking her friend’s palm.

Riley squeezed her hand, and they both smiled to themselves as the music continued playing.

_Well, our luck may have died and our love may be cold, but with you forever I’ll stay._ _We're goin' out where the sand's turnin' to gold. So put on your stockings baby 'cause the night's getting cold. And everything dies, baby that's a fact. But maybe everything that dies someday comes back._

 

—

 

When Ellie woke up in the morning, she felt wrong.

For one thing, she wasn’t _supposed_ to be awake, or alive.

She scrambled up off the couch, and the cassette player hit the ground.

“Shit,” she swore when she realized her ear bud was still playing music in her ear. She turned the Walkman off and slid it into her pack. Where’s Riley? Her spot on the couch was empty, but her bag rested against it. Shit. Shitshitshitshit. A million thoughts crowded into Ellie’s mind and her entire body felt heavy.

 _Maybe she just went to pee or something_ , she told herself. She was trying to believe it, trying to believe that this was _not_ happening. This could not be happening. She stood still for a minute, trying calm herself and keep from having a full on panic attack. Her stomach was twisted into knots and her head and chest ached.

 _This isn’t working! I gotta find her_.

Ellie pulled knife from her pocket and quickly made her way out of the room, dodging furniture and debris.

Once out of the store, she looked around. This store was towards the end of the mall, and the only other stores within range were ones that they couldn’t enter yesterday because they had blocked entrances. Ellie made her way towards the other end, keeping an eye and ear out. Every second that she didn’t see Riley made her heart hurt.

_Riley. Please. Where are you?_

A few seconds later, Ellie found her answer.

Up ahead, next to a store with a large, faded sign of a toy store, she was there.

Riley was slightly slouched and had her hands to her face, away from Ellie’s view.

“Riley?” she whispered. The body jerked a little at the noise and did a slow turn so that it faced her.

_Oh, no. Nonono. Fuck!_

Ellie stumbled backwards and felt her stomach tighten.

Riley wasn’t Riley anymore. Her eyes were red and her skin was sunken. The fungi had already started growing in multiple places, mostly on her hand where the bite was and on her head.

“Oh, god, Riley.”

She cupped her hand to her mouth as it stumbled forward. It let out one of those disgusting _cliiick_ -ing whines and moved towards her again.

“No!” Ellie let out a sound between a sob and scream and this time it fully came at her.

Eliie stuck her hands up and pushed it away as it came at her. It’s body was held back but it’s head, _Riley’s_ head, was inches from her face, making screeches and more clicks.

Ellie was crying now.

“I’m sorry, Riley. I’m so sorry,” she whispered, and she moved her hand holding the knife upwards and buried it in the neck, which was still flesh. _Riley’s_ flesh. She jerked the knife out and the body fell to the ground. It spasmed for a second before going still completely and Ellie a few feet away falling onto the rotted tile of the floor and crying. She had never remembered crying so hard in her life, or ever feeling so much pain, and she was grateful.

This hurt. Her entire body hurt, and Ellie decided then that she’d rather be dead than feel like this. She made the mistake of looking at the body again and, seeing her friends infected body, blood spitting from where she’d buried her knife, she turned her head to the side and vomited as she felt the bile rise in her throat. As soon as she was done and her body stopped shaking enough for her to move, she stood. She didn’t understand.

Why wasn’t she dead? They were supposed to lose their minds _together_ , but instead Riley had to go through it alone. Riley was gone, and Ellie...

Ellie was left behind.

**Author's Note:**

> FUN FACTS:
> 
> 1\. ''Mystic Cowboy" is a real novel by a real person that I had the displeasure of finding on my grandmother's bookshelf. Yikes.
> 
> 2\. This pained me. Oh my gosh.
> 
> 3\. The song Ellie and Riley listen to is Atlantic City by Bruce Springsteen. I love that song, ok.
> 
> 4\. Frugal Furniture is a store in Boston. Is it in a mall? I don't believe so, but this is fiction so whatever. :D
> 
> 5\. As far as I interpreted, Marlene never had actual, authentic feelings of any kind for Ellie. She was always just the cure, the solution to Marlene's cause. Even when Ellie was about to die she was like, she didn't even care about seeing Ellie, just getting her shitty cure. Ugh. (I hated Marlene if you couldn't tell.)
> 
> ANYWAY.  
> I hope you all liked this because I spent around 11 hours on it. Feedback would be nice, but regardless of whether you leave feedback or not, I hope you enjoyed it. x


End file.
